**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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