so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your cock deserves a montage
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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