You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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