the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
