his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
