I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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