is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.