is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just google imaged poop.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
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I wish you could order shots online.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful