Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts