i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.