no one should ever give us hovercrafts
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you