If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
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Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
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i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack