Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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