I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
