I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize