My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
