You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is my gift to your gina
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
