tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
