he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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