I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
