Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
