worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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