So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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