its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
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Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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