we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
