well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i think i just lost a toe
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