They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
