im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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