Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
