id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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