i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
