After last night, I could never be a politician.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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