Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
