I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.