is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.