Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!