6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.