So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.