She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.