I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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