hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.