To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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