Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
