I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
