Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
