A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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