I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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