Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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