A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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