This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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