i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
