***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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