I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
