you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hippo gnu deer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
