I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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