just tell him i said nine months
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize