last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
