i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
