I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
