I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
