We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
