At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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