ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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