I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
