Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
