I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
