Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
