I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
