Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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