do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
