Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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